Isn't that the way they say it goes...

Well, it's been awhile but I'm back. School has kept me extremely busy and next semester isn't going to be any easier since I'll be taking 18 hours. I have a project and/or paper and/or presentation in all of my current classes and they're all due in the next three weeks.

On the topic of school, I have been contemplating what I want to do once I graduate from college. I was talking to a friend the other day and they were talking about life after college and how important it is to do something you love. That made me pause because what I love has nothing to do with the major I am in or the possible career choices I've thought about. I realized that the jobs I was thinking about pursuing are interesting, but not something I see myself doing long term and that the jobs I would truly love either do not pay well, require extra schooling, or are impossible to get in to. While I will stick with this major and career outlook until I graduate and can afford to look into other job opportunities, I still want to end up doing something I love.

My family all support my current major and career choice. One side of my family thinks that my "loves" are a foolish waste of time and money and that if I try to do these jobs, then I should look for a husband who will be able to "take care of me" and the bills. It frustrated me and wanted me to tell them off, but if I did that, then I would have estranged myself from an entire side of my extended family.

I was listening to the Jim Croce song "Operator" and the first line of the chorus really stood out to me: "Isn't that the way they say it goes." I realized that life goes on, regardless of our wants, needs, or desires and often  things end up how they usually do, no matter what we may do to try and change them.

Life may be out of our control in our eyes, but I know that God is in control of everything. I hope your week goes well and I will post again on the one year anniversary of this blog (Sunday, November 20).

All Alone in the Wild Blue Yonder

This week has been one of my most lonely and eye opening weeks of this summer. I have spent a lot of time at home and with my thoughts and while I've been home (alone on most days) I've been thinking about my friends and the relationships I have with them. There are some people in my life who I know I will be friends with for life while a majority I probably won't see or really speak to (save for facebook) for quite some time. While it frustrates me and makes me sad that these friends are not as close as we once were or as I hoped they would be, I am so grateful for those friends who are there for me and who will (God willing) be there for me during the roller-coaster of life.

My best friend Roxanne is like a sister to me and even though we don't get to see each other very often, I can go to her with any problems or questions and she helps me, guides me, and comforts me--and I do the same for her.

My friend Nick is the funny man in my life and I can always go to him for a laugh and a good time, but what many people do not realize it the wisdom and kindness that emanates from him and how good a friend he is. My boyfriend and I have spent several summer evenings just talking with him in his driveway for hours on end.

The last friend of mine who has always been there for me would be my boyfriend. When my aunt died last week, he rushed over with flowers and instead of volunteering at the hospital, he spent the whole day with me; when her funeral came around, he was there holding my hand or holding me in his arms as I said goodbye to another member of my family.

While I do realize that some friends left my life because of me and my actions and because they weren't really good friends to start off with, I do wish I had more contact with those friends that I don't see or talk to as often. My personal goal for next week is to try and re-establish a connection with one of my friends and I suggest all of my readers to do the same.

Long Time No Speak

My Dear Readers

Me and those two wonderful girls

I apologize for taking so long to post a new entry. My life has been so busy and complicated that I have neglected you readers. I survived my last semester at Roanoke and the trip home. I said goodbye to two wonderful girls who were my singing buddies in choir and I hope to see them sometime in the future. If I don't see them before we graduate from our different colleges then I will be sure to invite them to my wedding--whenever that day may be, though I can guarantee that it won't be until after I graduate college.

Speaking of weddings...
A good friend of mine is getting married in the fall and my cousin in marrying his lovely girlfriend this July. If you know me, then you know I love weddings and I am so glad my friend has asked me to sing at her wedding. What I'll be singing, I do not know but it is an honor and a privilege to be asked to do so. I wish all the couples getting married this summer all the luck in the world.

On to my next topic...

My brother's Naval bootcamp graduation

This past weekend, my brother came home on a short leave from SEAL training. It was wonderful to see him and actually be able to talk to him face to face. He has gotten so much tanner and looks amazing in his dress whites. My sister and I took him up to our mom's school to surprise her when he first got in and when she saw him she burst into tears. It was the most touching reaction I had ever seen and I wish I had had my camera to record it. Even though I didn't get to spend much time with him, it was still great to have him home. I can't wait until he's home again.

Well, that's all I have for now. I will write again soon. Hope your summer is going well. :)

When You Feel Like You're Living In A Bubble

Lately I feel as though I'm living in a bubble vainly looking at the outside in the hopes that someone will rescue me from it. While I have an amazing boyfriend and some great friends who are kind enough to relieve this feeling, whenever I'm alone it creeps right back and at times it is overwhelming. I suppose it can be helpful when I have tests to study for or papers to write, but lately all it's been is frustrating.
I guess the main reason behind this post is the fact that I was sitting outside thinking about my family and I realized that I have no clue what's happening in any of their lives-including my own sister's-except from what I find out via facebook. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to find out that your family has all these things planned and yet none of them bothered to take into consideration the fact that I might like to know about these things and even participate in them if I'm home for them? I do understand that I am over 1000 miles away at school but that doesn't mean that I've completely disappeared.
Another question is why is it that I have to be the one to initiate everything-from phone calls to emails to chats on facebook? And why is it that it seems like the only thing some of my family have to say to me is to lecture me about the "mistakes" I am making in my life? Is getting good grades, being secretary for 2 clubs on campus, going to several bible studies, and singing in one of the choirs on campus a mistake? I honestly don't think so, so why do people in my own family constantly belittle me and my dreams?
I know this may sound like I am complaining, but my patience with the world is slim to none. Hopefully next time my post will be more positive. Thank you for putting up with my rant.

What Is His Plan for Me?

    As I have been applying to Texas A&M-Corpus Christi, I have been contemplating what I want to do with my life. One downside to going to TAMU-CC is that they don't have an Art History major so I will have to change majors and my options are Education, English, and History. So far I have decided to go with an English major and then getting my teaching certificate through the alternative teaching certificate program in Texas. But the downside is that majoring in English will put a damper on my ideal plan to work for a museum after getting my Master's in Medieval Art, so I must decide if I should go with something that I love or something that I would like but not necessarily love or want to spend my entire life doing.
    Since I was a little girl, I have been told that I should become a teacher and now faced with this complication in my life I have been re-examining the possibility of me becoming an elementary school teacher and then getting a Master's in Library Science (online most likely) so I could become a librarian at an elementary school. I do love children and would love to instill a love for reading in even just one child.
    In my education class I have been assigned the task of either mentoring or tutoring a student who has a high chance of dropping out of school in order to gain experience with children while truly deciding if teaching is what we want to do with our lives. I have chosen to work with an elementary school aged child and will find out what exactly what I'll be doing in the coming weeks. I believe that this opportunity will give me the chance to re-evaluate my life and help me decide whether I want to become a teacher.
    One good thing about transferring to a school in Texas is that I will be closer to my family should any emergencies occur or should problems arise. I am tired of my family never telling me anything and me having to find out about things on facebook--like my baby cousin having to have emergency surgery over the weekend. Also, when my dad was in the hospital, I had to survive on phone calls to know what was going on and even then I rarely got updates on his health status. When I transfer back to Texas, I will be able to come home in a short drive and won't have to rely totally on infrequent phone calls and facebook for important things going on in my family.
    With everything else going on, I was dismayed when I was told that my aunt was diagnosed with cancer and she'll have to go through lots of chemotherapy in order to try and eradicate the cancer. Only a few years ago my grandmother died of cancer, so I know just how difficult it is to deal with watching the one you love deal with this disease that has killed millions and will continue to kill until we find a cure. So I am asking for your prayers for her and my family.
    In the midst of all of the things I have been dealing with, I have been trying to figure out what God wants me to do with my life. As I continue to contemplate, I keep remembering my confirmation verse (Psalm 46:1- God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble) and how true that statement is; even when the storms of life seem to appear that they will swallow us whole, God is there by our side. So as you're going through this week, think about how God has helped you through any challenges you have faced or with the difficult decisions you've had to make.

Why Is Saying Goodbye So Hard to Do

Of all the things in the world, my least favorite thing to do is to say goodbye.  This ranks above flying, packing, and doing homework.Why is saying goodbye such a hard thing to do? Last night I had to say goodbye to my boyfriend after getting to spend a month together. As a typical girl, I cried while we said our goodbyes. Even now as I'm writing this, tears still well up. Anyway, my month with him has been one of the best months of my life and I can't wait until I get to see him again. With God's help, I know we'll be able to survive the nights and days apart and our relationship will come out even stronger.
Going on with the topic of goodbyes, I found out over this break that I have to transfer schools and come back to Texas for the rest of my college education. On the plus side, I'll be reunited with my boyfriend and we'll get to see each other more often. On the other hand, I have to say goodbye to dear old Roanoke and all of the things I love there-including my friends and my choir. In the upcoming month, I need to start arranging everything to make the transition as smooth as possible. Hopefully I'll still keep in touch with my friends there. I will miss all the wonderful individuals there and I wish my situation was better so that I could stay at Roanoke, but things change and I see this as a opportunity to grow and that Denis and I are meant to be together and that we've done the long distance relationship long enough.
I hope your Christmas and New Year's were full of love and growth, I know mine were.

Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving I went to Maine with a friend rather than going home.We made a pie and went to beach even though it was freezing, which was a lot of fun. While it was nice to go farther North than I've ever been in my life, I still missed my crazy wonderful family and my boyfriend. So it was a bittersweet Thanksgiving, but the food was good and my friend's family were welcoming.
This year I have many things to be grateful for: a loving relationship, doing well in school, having a job to help pay for things (like plane tickets), my brother and sister, my parents, my wonderful aunts, uncles, and cousins, my faith remaining strong even though I'm away at college, friends, friends' parents who let me stay at their house over Thanksgiving, and gradually getting over my shyness/not being assertive.
God has blessed me this year and I can only hope that the coming weeks before New Year's Day are just as blessed. I only have to survive multiple papers, presentations, projects, and tests before I can go home for Christmas Break, if no winter storms affect my travel plans.
So when you read this, I hope that you realize how blessed you really are, even though it may not seem like it, and I hope that you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.